Wow.It’s crazy how God changed my heart. Just twenty minutes ago, I felt so distant from Him. I don’t even know the words to describe what just happened. All I can say is: He is able. All my feelings of being overwhelmed are gone. I felt so drained and my thoughts and feelings were all over the place, but now all I sense is stillness. Even though I have 400 pages to read and so much notes to go over, I no longer feel restlessness, but faith; faith that everything will work out. (Matthew 6:31-33:31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.)
To be honest, I’ve been struggling a lot spiritually this past week. Although it was only a couple of days, the spiritual battle was so tough. I felt weak and hopeless; I didn’t have faith that God would answer my calls. I thought I finally learned what it meant to be joyful in Christ but my thoughts this past week definitely proved me wrong. Because I felt so ashamed and discouraged, I turned away from Him. His presence was absent in my life and I couldn’t ignore it. So, I cried out for help but he didn’t answer immediately, which made me even more discouraged and frustrated.
My thoughts and emotions run much deeper than what’s being written and there are some things I can’t say… BUT, in conclusion, God answered me. Although we are blinded during times of hardships, it’s true that God never lets go.There’s no structured formula for how we can get back to that place of intimacy with God. All we can do is confess that we are weak, die to ourselves, and wait patiently upon Him in faith. He will not forsake you.